Today I met Brian and Blizzard at a local diner for breakfast. This task of being in a busy diner may not seem like much, but it is something that is no longer easy for me, due to my Complex PTSD. I was quick to pull out my trusted fidget toy and constantly get distracted from conversation by being hypervigulant of my surroundings, but with Brian's guidance I was able to get Blizzard to move to my feet and apply Deep Pressure Therapy to help me calm down. When I went to reach for my fidget toy and found myself getting more anxious, I had Blizzard move closer to me and started to pet her. Within a few minutes, I was completely changed from hypervigulant and anxious to sitting still and able to focus on the conversations and questions asked of me. Brian helped us every step of the way with learning commands, how to open and close doors while holding Blizzard's leash and food in the other hand, and helping us if we were unsure of something. We not only made it outside, but also without spilling any of our food:0
Brian wanted us to head to the local Walmart for our next training session and as soon as he said the word Walmart, I was quick to suggest another place and could immediately feel the intense amount of building up anxiety inside me! Brian saw that reaction and immediately knew that this was going to be the best way for him to see if Blizzard and I were a good match for a working team together? Blizzard got the chance to ride in the backseat with me and as we got closer to Walmart, my anxiety started to show more and more by my feet tapping, sweating, and even trying to convince my mom that we didn't have to go to Walmart but rather a different store! Blizzard moved from sitting next to me to laying directly next to me without any prompting from me or my mom. She leaned in on me and I watched in amazement as my feet stopped tapping and I began to feel instant wave of peace flow over me.
I exited the car with the goal of just making it inside Walmart with Blizzard by my side and NOT bolting to the exit or experiencing a full blown panic attack!! My anxiety level was a 6 or a 7 and all we had done was made it through the doors, so I knew this would truly test if Blizzard and I were going to be able to make it in the future as a team? Brian helped us go to the back of the store and work on some basic commands such as closer, here, brace, and forward with Blizzard in order for us to prepare for different scenarios ahead. I had to learn to be the leader of Blizzard and focus on HER rather than making sure I had Brian or my mom within my sight and or reacting to the various unexpected noises of Walmart! After several more minutes of training, I started to notice that I wasn't holding my breath so much and I had even managed to not look back towards the nearest exit! My mind had shifted from full blown FLIGHT mode where the nearest exit was the best option for me to Function mode where I was able to remain calm knowing Blizzard was by my side and there to help me through this! I was extremely shocked to find myself walking between a group of men, as previously this would sent me into a full blown panic attack and disassociation, but NOT with Blizzard by my side:) Our Walmart trip would last almost an hour and leave me once again speechless as I realized all that I had just accomplished! This was a glimpse of what my future would hold for me and Blizzard and I LOVED it:)
I would get to spend a short period of time with Blizzard and Brian at my apartment before they had to leave for the airport to fly back to Arizona. Once again the time flew by and I knew the hardest part was about to happen, saying goodbye to Blizzard for several months as she worked on her training and I raised the necessary funds to purchase her as a fully trained service dog. I managed to hold back my tears until I made it inside my apartment and then it was like I cried both sad and happy tears. I was sad that our time had ended and she was going to be away from me and that I would lack the confidence felt with her while she was gone and then I started to cry happy tears as I realized that I had this new found Joy and Hope for such a brighter and independent future that I NEVER felt before! Things had gotten hard for me today as I faced the fears of being out in public and shopping at my most dreaded store, but they also got easier for me as I realized ALL that I could accomplish with Blizzard by my side as my service dog! I am still in shock as I look back on all that I was able to accomplish today with Blizzard by my side that just hours before seemed so Impossible to me:0
Thank you for being a part in my journey to get Paws(Blizzard) for Nellie:)
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